For every good moment in life there must be a bad one. I am struggling with life an its harsh reality. I ask why, but get no answer. And I want to scream. My mom has been ill for the past 2.5 years after surviving a stroke. Then she lost the sight in her right eye permanently and will have to have the eye removed at some point. Then last month she was diagnosed with papillary thyroid cancer. On February 28, 2012 she had a total thyroidectomy and lymph node exploration. We thought things were ok on that day, as the surgeon came out and said it looks good, “its not in her lymph nodes”. She would then be scheduled for RAI or radioactive iodine ablation therapy in 6 weeks. Or so we thought.
It is amazing how quickly things can change in life. You can get sucked up into a vortex any day and things will be never the same. A week after her surgery we received a call form the surgeon, “there is a problem with the results of the specimen. The pathologist needs further testing to rule out another form of thyroid cancer. Potentially a rare much more aggressive anaplastic thyroid cancer. “Wait, that’s not what you told us!” I cant believe this is happening…the dreaded “C” word. My mother is what is left of my childhood, she was the one the cured all my illness, listened to my rants, always made things better for me or at least it seemed that way. Now as a “middle aged” woman I have become the “mother”, our roles are reversed. I no longer have my “mom” or at least they way she was three years ago. I am now the caretaker. I am the mother, the one that makes things better. And it sucks. I am angry. I am so upset to have been dealt this hand that mother has. But it is not about me. I only want to protect her from the harsh reality of life, as a mother does their own child. I have always been able to control the situation but now I can’t we must wait for the plan from the surgeon and endocrinologist. I still want to scream.
The pit of my stomach, or what is left to it is in fury. It agonizes for strength to stay strong and not cry. I must be the mother, I must the strong one.